Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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