I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
