i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
