if only i could text you this smell
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
