if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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