It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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