You're my little dorito
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
