dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
