remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Randomize
