Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
