At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
