I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
