im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
you didnt know i had herpes?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
