It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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