I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
