Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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