is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize