Do you still have your period?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
