I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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