Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Randomize
