You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Randomize
