I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize