Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
