we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
