Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
