there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
