What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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