no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize