My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Randomize
