It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
