I just cut my nipple shaving
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
