Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
