I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
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