I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
