No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
