I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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