they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
