Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
