So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
