You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
