i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
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