Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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