The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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