I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I can't put those talents on a resume
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize