It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Randomize
