Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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