literally had 100 drinks last night.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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