Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
You smell like a Billy Joel song
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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