I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
