i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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