Pregnant stripper...not hot.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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