his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
