i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize