OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
