I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
