He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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