i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
