who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
