I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
