we have pet lesbian snakes
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
