its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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