It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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