Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize