respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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