she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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