We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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