Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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